we all have to wait at some point in our lives.

every morning, i have a running stopwatch in my mind so i can get to the office on the dot right before half past eight. by 7.15, my alarm clock activates for the first time. i stand up to get it and press the snooze button, check if the airconditioning is off, which i set every night to stop at about 5am, turn off the tiny lamp (the type that you just directly plug in an outlet), and go back to bed when at this moment, i don’t have any difficulty to go back in deep trance. at 7.30, the alarm goes again, which means definitely i have to get up. for a quick 5 minutes, i ready my backpack making sure i have inside what i need: my lunchbox (i have a quick visit to the kitchen to get it from the fridge), mobile phone, mp3 player and headset, and a paperback copy of something, which is murakami’s kafka on the shore at the moment. on special days, like tuesdays and thursday, i toss in extra stuffs like my goggles, nose clip, a towelette, and a pair of trunks for swimming later after work. this is followed by a quick shower, a not too serious one as i always take a more serious shower before getting to bed at night. i get back in my room and 5 minutes later, i get out dressed in some unpressed yet semi-formal clothes, put on my shoes, and walk briskly to the train station.

by 8 o’clock, i have to be at the platform or else, i’ll be late. the platform is on the second level, and sometimes i take the lift because it was in perfect timing to be open after tapping my mrt card and walking towards the escalator. at one time, i was inside the lift with other people, the doors started to close and about a split second before it entirely shuts, an old lady was trying to get in. with the perfect vision i have, i would be lying if i say i didn’t notice her, but i pretend i didn’t because if i did, i would lose pratically 30 seconds. i did not press the open button nor have the heart press the close button to completely eradicate her. instead, i simply stood there and stared at an empty space. the machine decided to go on with its job, and took us upstairs. at the very moment we reached the platform, the train door is still hanging open just like it’s waiting for me to get in because as soon as i was inside, it closed, and then it moved along its steady pace. at this point i decided that the lift made a good job because i could have missed the train if it opened for the old lady. it’s a short 7-station or 20-minute ride to the office so i don’t bother to sit, but that’s not to say there are any seats left anyway. i can’t help but think what i’ve done earlier. the picture of an old local lady assisted by a bamboo cane is haunting my mind and i felt a bit guilty. what if she’s in an important errand? or on her way to get some necessary medication that she has to take precisely at a certain time. would she be late? i don’t know, but i know for certain that i would be late the lift waited for her. see? i don’t even say that “if i waited for her..”  because i take it that it’s out of my league really. if the lift did wait for her, i imagine running late for work, and getting to the office maybe at 8.34, that’s 4 fucking minutes late. i drop my backpack, and before opening my computer, even that tiny few seconds of pressing the power button, i don’t. i pay a visit first to my boss to sign my daily timesheet. i’m not yet finish writing the time down when he looks sternly on his wristwatch, but still remained quiet. and yes, that happened in real life..but i guess at that morning when i left the old lady i thought to myself, not today.

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as a consolation, i consider that it’s not too bad. i didn’t abandon her in the middle of a crazy street or something. she could wait for the lift the second time around. it’s not too bad really, right?