Calling all the fortunes in the world.

this is just my 5th post for april, yet the month is ending. being stuck in this city and nothing happening much in my life, i had very little things to say apart from “how are you?”, and “i’m still alive”. mentioning just about the tiniest bit of detail of how i live each day like “today i had a good sleep, brushed my teeth, and cooked early in the morning..” would seem to make me too depressed for words.

i am not exactly irritated, but i feel somehow uncomfortable when people around ask if i have a job already. to tell you straight, NO, i don’t have a job yet, but still in full swing search ops. i know that some people are just concern and wanted to know what’s going on with me here, and perhaps my recent posts sounded to be deem call for help for some..so, i guess i understand it, and appreciate your interests. maybe i’d just let you know that my resolve is still high.

well, i would be lying if i say everything is perfectly at peace now. this gruesome job hunt is making my self-confidence reset to zero. a few months after coming to this country was all good. it didn’t matter that i don’t have a job, career, or stable income. i was traveling. i was happy.

as i’ve known myself, possibly the reason why i don’t feel good to be asked if i’ve got a job already is because i know that my answer is “no, i don’t have yet.”, and saying this would undoubtedly sounds like me as a failure. so, don’t worry because as soon as i get a job, i’ll let you know. i will shout, and let everyone know. that’s a promise.

however, a couple of friends have been more than helpful like miss ces from across the pacific, sharing her sympathies and understanding my struggles, and giving me a contact number of her friend here in auckland, who just a couple of days ago started to be in the same position as i am as she recently lost her job. i contacted her, and got a couple of tips from her, and more places to go job hunt. kuya rexie from neighboring australia messaged me just a while ago, and gave an email ad of a filipino working here in auckland. they have an opening for a support position in IT, and i did not hesitate trying as it took me just 3 seconds to send my ever-ready-pre-formatted CoverLetter-CV email.

yesterday, i was walking towards balmoral along dominion road. i learned from owie there is a catholic church around the area, and i’m confused at myself whether i want to go there because it’s a catholic church or for the reason that chances are there would be many filipinos that i might get contacts and job opportunities. or maybe both? to be honest, i haven’t attended a single mass since coming here, but that is not to say i attend regular sunday mass back home. i guess i am at best, spiritually, when i was in hong kong, when my auntie can’t simply allow a sunday to pass without knowing where i am (which is not too bad all the time). back home, i couldn’t count how many friends and relatives have been saying they’re all praying for me. that’s a very norm of a catholic. pray for somebody else in trouble. people pray for you just as you pray for them (that is if you’re not selfish enough). this i don’t understand. is the power of prayers magnified if more people ask for help? is my own prayer alone not enough? can’t be heard? i even have an aunt who sternly instructed me never to forget praying to st joseph, for he is the patron saint of job seekers, but a quick googling revealed that she was even wrong. it was st cajetan.

you might sense by now that i don’t really accept everything in catholicism. well, i’ve decided not to.

going back to my walk, it was not near or far where i’m staying. after more or less an hour walking, i reached balmoral road intersecting dominion road. a short line of commercial stores, laundry shops, and takeaways greeted me, but any building with a cross on top is nowhere to be found. i guess i was too confident that i always found places. just aided with a map, i figured the church would be imposing enough not to get the exact address. i did not find it. meanwhile, since i was already there, i just walked around the shops, most of them closed for it was sunday. i looked for any vacancy ads, but there was none.

i sighed a sigh.